Dear Mrs Parmenion,
Hello dear! I've finally got a chance to put quill to papyrus to let you know how we have been getting on. We marched several hundred miles north into the land of the Ladyboys, and then turned east to take on the might of the Han empire....
Since I last wrote, our Glorious Leader has decided to weaken my wing of the army whilst strengthening his (probably to stop me embarrassing him yet again). Anyway, our army now looks as follows:
Alexander Lord of Asia: Companions (4xKnF), Prodromoi (2xLhS), Hyspaspits (6xAxS), Agrianians/Macedonians (4xPsS/O), Hippakontistai (4xiLhO), Greek Cavalry (1xCvI), Thracian (1xiAxS): 28ME
Craterus:Phalangites (20xPkO), Thracians (4xiAxS): 28ME
My good self: Thessalians (4xCvO), Paionians (2xLhO), Thracians (5xiAxS), Greek peltasts (2xAxO): 16ME
In celebration of our previous victories, Goldenballs has re-equipped all the Hypaspists with new shields. Very generous, you might think? All the bloody shields have his ugly face painted on them! Honestly, that man has no shame. He is now wandering about asking if we think he might possibly be a God. You just know it will end badly- Zeus can be very touchy this sort of thing. I have taken to standing a long way away from Alex just in case there is a sudden thunderstorm.....
Anyway, there we were, watching the Han Chinese deploy before us. The field was mostly clear round, a gentle hill on our centre right with some rough terrain to the right of that.
To our left the Han had placed most of their cavalry in two large groups, together with a unit of fast horse archers. In the centre were the heavy chariots backed by a few more cavalry wearing pretty yellow tigerskin pyjamas, and to our right were the infantry- a great block of spearmen and another of bowmen with a column of horse archers screening the far wing. Very impressive, particularly all those chariots with all the mod-cons -parasols, go-faster stripes, armoured riders, sat nav etc ? very nasty....
Alexander was surprisingly lucid for the time of day- sober enough not to slur his words and sufficiently hungover not to push it too far with the God-thing. Craterus was ordered to deploy our pikemen in centre -two deep against the cavalry and four deep against the
knights with his Thracians in reserve behind the phalanx. For his own command, Alexander placed the Hypaspists on the left of the phalanx and the psiloi on their flank. On the far left rode the asiatic light horse and the Prodromoi. Alexander joined the Companions in column behind the Hypaspists, who were late and, since they had managed to find a barrel of wine (or six), were swaying slightly on their horses and singing `Here we go, here we go, here we go'.....
As for me? Well, Alexander just waved his hand and muttered 'Do something about those bloody infantry'. I placed my own Thracians next to the phalanx and I drew up with the Thessalians and light horse facing the gentle hill on our right. The Greek peltasts skulked about on our far right, one at the foot of the gentle hill, the other admiring the wild flowers and trying to look inconspicuous in some rough going.
The Han started to move slowly forward, most of their effort directed at redeploying their cavalry on the flank facing Alexander. For once Craterus seemed to have grasped the concept of a plan and the phalanx leapt forward then began to wheel off to its right,
heading towards the Chinese chariots. I cantered onto the gentle hill in front of the Chinese infantry with the Thessalians and some of the Greek peltasts trying to keep up.
On our left the Hypaspists ploughed straight forward towards one block of Han cavalry who nearly fell off their horses laughing at those bloody ridiculous shields. The Companions weren't up to much manoeuvre at that time in the morning and just thundered forward, expanding their column slightly with the Prodromoi taking position on their left flank. The Han had thrown their other block of cavalry out on the far left and into our light horse. The Han were the better horsemen but we had both their flanks and were beginning to
beat them back....
I was quite engrossed in watching all this from my hill on our right flank. We were about to settle down to watch the fun with a nice lunch and a bottle of vino when suddenly the Han chariots and all their bloody infantry swung right and started heading straight for me! We jumped back on the horses, and bolted back down the hill, much to the astonishment of the greek peltasts who had only just made it up to the top of the hill. They seemed delighted that we had left some ham sandwiches and the wine. Then they saw the Han infantry....
We turned around when we were safely about 400 yards away to see the peltasts trying to stuff down the sandwiches whilst dodging a storm of arrows. The rest of the Han infantry began to slowly wheel with the chariots trying to catch us. We turned into column and trotted off, the light horse mooning the Han C-in-C in his fancy chariot, giggling like children and daring him to catch them. The peltasts were taunting the Han bowmen and keeping the enemy infantry from marching around our flank. We drew up next to our Thracians (who hadn't moved yet, the lazy buggers) and started daring the chariots to charge into us, which would have exposed their flanks and dainty rears to the Paionians.....
Most of the pikemen in our centre had swung around to threaten the advance of the Han infantry and chariots. However, two files had thrust straight forward -opening a gap in middle of the phalanx. Through the gap streamed the Thracian infantry ? incredibly heading unopposed towards the Han baggage! Quickly the Han cavalry in the yellow pyjamas threw themselves into the gap before being surrounded by the excited Thracians....
On the left the Chinese cavalry had put up a poor show. The first group had been thrown back by the light horse, leaving the Chinese horse archers to be skewered by the Prodromoi. A few Han cavalry half-heartedly charged the Companions but were outflanked by the Greek cavalry and they began to lose heart. The second group of Han Cavalry had now turned to face the Hypaspists but the Companions, still singing, smashed into them and the whole command broke and ran....
On our left the Han were streaming away from the field. Alexander was proclaiming himself a Living God to anyone who would listen, and directing the Companions towards the rear of the Chinese lines for a bit more smiting. In the centre the Thracians were waving a few scraps of bloodied yellow cloth and charging towards the undefended Han baggage. On the right, all the Han infantry was milling about trying to catch a couple of measly peltasts. The Chinese chariots were not looking happy since they were about to be buggered by the giggling Paionians if they took another step forward towards my Thessalians. The Han general threw in the towel...
I hadn't lost a single man from my command. Though the peltasts have been giving me some pretty evil looks over that business on the hill. Craterus had lost a couple of Thracians who were trampled in the rush to loot the Chinese baggage. And Goldenballs? A couple of the asiatic light horse were dead and a prodromoi has gone missing. Possibly dead, possibly up to something unspeakable with a captured Chinese sheep. You can never tell with the Proddies.
I managed to rescue some sandwiches from the sulking Peltasts and settled down for a beer or two. It seems that Alexander thinks a God of his stature needs a good suntan, so we're off south to the Sudan after lunch.
Will write again soon,
Love Parmenion.
(Apologies to Ray Briggs)
A few notes:
1. I was initially annoyed to have to take the compulsory Greek AxO and CavI but they are incredibly useful.... the AxO are a must have for that refused flank, since they stop marching and are only half an ME if you lose them. More about CvI in despatches from the Sudan.
2. Both brilliant strokes were used to double pips to keep the momentum going forward. Despite some poor PIP dice I was able to pile on the pressure against the Han Cavalry command. It is always more useful to double a 1 or 2 than a 6!
3. S against F can be very nasty (-2 on the LhF if they are beaten by the LhS in the LhS bound). Those horse archers were dead meat against the Prodromoi.
4. I got lucky in the initial exchange with my LhO vs the Chinese CvO. Had I lost, the chinese could have been on the flanks of the Companions and Alexander would have been toast. Though, of course, such a thing could never happen to a living God...
D
